Life’s Trials

I have not posted for a long time. A lot has changed; some for the good and some for the bad. I have learned to stay positive and I am confident these trials are learning experiences. I still live in constant pain but have learned to stay positive and surprisingly it makes things easier. I am still in the essential oil business and I am proud to say I am more successful than I ever thought I could be. 

Since the beginning of December my life has turned upside down. My daughter attempted suicide December 7th. Since then she has been hospitalized 5 times for suicidal plans, bipolar, and depression with some psychosis. When she is not in the hospital I spend every moment making sure she does not kill herself. Honestly, I worry I may have a breakdown because I have become so afraid of losing her. I rarely sleep, I have missed all my pain management appointments (means pain is now unbearable), and sometimes I feel hopeless because I can’t make her better. She is on a wait list for a residential mood disorder facility. She will be in there for 1-3 months. I will miss her but if it means getting her better then she needs it! One thing that makes me angry is, how come a mentally ill person has to wait up to 8 weeks for treatment beyond outpatient therapy and day treatment? 

I would love to hear from anyone that has bipolar or a loved one with it. I need to be reassured that one day my baby will love life or at least want to stay alive.